Meek & Deeply Confused

For a very long while now I’ve been sitting on my first novel. Waiting. For what, I don’t know – maybe for some agent to magically appear, claiming my writing came to them in a dream or as a vision as they rode the subway home one day. And that’s how it would have to happen, because I haven’t sent it out.

Well, that’s not exactly true either. It was and is with an agent in England, but as the weeks pass without response, my belief grows that my novel has been forgotten or tossed into the trash. Dropcloth Angels has also made its way to the desk of an Avon (HarperCollins) Acquisitions Editor. She liked it but knew HC would pass on it because it doesn’t follow the familiar cookie cutter formula so popular today. She was nice enough to point me in the direction of three or four of the larger Indie Publishers who take chances on novels that don’t follow the norm (let’s use Clockwork Orange for an example).The only problem with that is none of them will look at unsolicited manuscripts. I’m not certain that it would be cool to use this editors name to open any doors with them or not, so I haven’t bothered to submit to any of them.

Aside from also sending this out to Angry Robot for their ‘Open Submission Month’, I’ve not sent out any queries whatsoever. There are many reasons I haven’t submitted more, but three reasons top the list:

a) the industry has tightened its belt lately and only seem to want non-fic books about abused housewives or tell-alls about movie stars.

b) I’m so scared to send my ‘ideal’ agent a shitty query letter, and know (or at least believe) I will only get one chance to knock them out of their panties so want to get it right the first time.

c) I’m a pussy – plain & simple – and don’t want to know that I’ve wasted my time writing a book nobody would buy to prop up a wobbly table.

I’m asked frequently if I’ve been sending out queries. My go-to response is ‘no, but I think I’ll start sending some out next week’. And I mean it every time I say it, but something always comes up and queries for DcA find their way to the back of the queue. There’s always next week, right?

I should really do a follow-up with that agent who’s had my novel for four months. The thing about not following up is this though: I look at it like a lottery ticket. Before the draw I can be as full of hope as anyone. Tomorrow I could be jetting off to destinations unknown with my newly acquired fortune, or zipping around in my cherry-red Corvette. Then, the morning after the draw I see I didn’t win and my little girl doesn’t get that pony I promised if I won. Oh well, there’s always the next draw. Without hearing a “NO” from the agent means I’m still in the game and don’t need to buy another ticket just yet.

Maybe I should change the title of this post to “Lazy”, but don’t have the energy to do so.